The Bondage of Singleness - Ask Pastor John
- Andy McIlvain
- 3 days ago
- 7 min read
Video from Desiring God
The Bondage of Singleness - Ask Pastor John
Audio Transcript
"To broach the topic of singleness is to enter a hot debate. On the one side comes the argument that prolonged adult singleness today is only selfish, only there to self-protect personal freedoms, to guard career advancement, and to create a life of ease. Anything short of marriage is brokenness. This debate isn’t going away because, at least here in the United States, the number of unmarried women now is about equal to the number of married women, and the share of women who have never married is surging. Behind the trends, we find a web of factors, but one of them is the independence of the single life. Today on Ask Pastor John: The bondage of singleness done wrong.
Amy, in Columbus, Ohio, is feeling this cultural shift herself when she writes, “Pastor John, as a 32-year-old woman, I am growing frustrated over how my church treats us singles like we are broken. Everyone assumes marriage is God’s ideal, but I’ve been reading 1 Corinthians 7 where Paul actually wishes that more people were single like him! Can you explain what he means about singleness providing space for ‘undivided devotion to the Lord’ [1 Corinthians 7:35]? I feel like we are missing something important here.” Yes, and we happen to be in 1 Corinthians 7 right now in the Navigators Bible Reading Plan. If you are reading the Bible for the first time with us, this might be a total surprise to you to read Paul saying that marriage is bondage! So, how do we decipher this chapter? Here’s how Pastor John walked through this text in 2016.
Let me come at 1 Corinthians 7 in a roundabout way. I think if I do it this way, it might open up people to some unexpected things in the chapter that they’re not as familiar with.
Bondage and Freedom
It seems to me that we are trying to avoid a misunderstanding on two fronts. The one front is the misunderstanding of marriage as bondage and oppression, and on the other front is the misunderstanding of singleness as liberation and freedom. But the reality is that pursuing the unfettered autonomy of singleness may be a deeper bondage, and embracing the sorrows of a disappointing marriage may be a more profound freedom.
Now, of course, that way of talking, that way of seeing the world, makes no sense to those who define freedom as doing whatever you feel like doing when you feel like doing it. But thoughtful people don’t define freedom or liberation that way. That kind of freedom will get children killed by running out in the street or putting their finger in an electric socket because they feel like it right now, and it doesn’t matter what anybody else says. That kind of freedom leads to thousands of free people being in the state penitentiary. It leads to thousands more being in bondage to venereal disease and thousands more leaving a carnage of broken relationships behind them.
Doing what you feel like doing when you feel like doing it has never proved to be a life of liberation, but only bondage. True freedom isn’t just doing what you want to do — period. It’s doing what you want to do and wanting what you ought to do. In other words, there’s something crucial that defines freedom underneath want to and feel like — namely, ought to and the person you were meant to be.
And of course, as soon as you bring an ought to onto the table, or “the person you were made to be,” we’re confronted immediately with a higher or deeper authority than ourselves — namely, God. There can be no true freedom when a person tries to ignore God’s design for their life, just like there’s no true freedom if you try to ignore the law of gravity. If you jump off a cliff, you may feel the exhilaration of freedom for three or four seconds — then you die. And living your life without reference to God is like jumping off a cliff. It just takes a little longer to hit bottom, but you will.
Yes, this does have to do with 1 Corinthians 7, where Paul deals with two issues. One is marriage and singleness, and the other is slaves who get converted to Jesus, and the question is whether they should stay in their present condition or not. And it’s very interesting to me that those two issues happen to land interwoven in the same chapter.
True Freedom
He says to slaves — and this is going to be relevant for marriage and singleness — he says to slaves, “Were you a [slave] when called?” — that is, called to be a Christian. “Do not be concerned about it. (But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity)” (1 Corinthians 7:21). The reason you shouldn’t be too concerned about spending your life in a present difficult situation (even if you have to) is this: “He who was called in the Lord as a [slave] is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called [namely, to be a Christian] is a [slave] of Christ. You were bought with a price [that is, the blood of Jesus]; do not become [slaves] of men” (1 Corinthians 7:22–23). Now, there’s the key to the Christian life and to all of our relationships, including singleness and marriage.
“Christian freedom, whether in marriage or singleness, means belonging utterly to the risen Lord Jesus.”
What makes for true freedom is belonging to Jesus, who bought us with his blood, who owns us by purchase, who loves us, who designs the best life for us — the most beautiful life for us — and who will bring us to everlasting and deepest possible joy. That is freedom, which means that if we are in a painful relationship like slavery or a deeply disappointing marriage, and we are there with Jesus, belonging to Jesus, owned by Jesus, loved by Jesus, getting help from Jesus, experiencing his fellowship, enjoying his guidance, following his will — we are walking in great freedom. That’s why I said at the beginning that there may be more freedom by embracing a painful relationship than in embracing unfettered autonomy.
It also means that, if we are free from all human commitments and restraints, and living a life of unfettered autonomy, not submitting to Jesus, not enjoying his fellowship, we are in the profoundest bondage to sin and selfishness, and we will hit the bottom of the cliff sooner or later.
So, this is the principle that Paul applies in 1 Corinthians 7 to marriage and singleness. He loves his singleness. He wishes others could have this particular life of Christian freedom. This is what you were talking about at the beginning, Tony, when you said people don’t even know that this is in the Bible, that the exaltation of a life of devoted singleness is there rather than idealizing marriage as the only way to live.
Undivided Devotion
Amazingly, he says in 1 Corinthians 7:7, “I wish that all were as I myself am.” Well, are you crazy, Paul? There wouldn’t be any babies if we were all single, but he says it. “But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am” (1 Corinthians 7:7–8). And then he adds — lest we draw the wrong inference — he’s not telling anyone not to marry (1 Corinthians 7:9). In 1 Corinthians 7:36 — it’s amazing how he starts and ends with this kind of thing — he says, “If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry — it is no sin.”
So, he’s not condemning marriage — he’s just exulting in his singleness and wishing others could join him in it. Well, here’s the question: What makes his singleness so great in his mind? What should make it great in our minds? It’s because singleness offered him a unique experience of devotion to the Lord. He said, “I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:35).
There’s the bottom line of freedom: devotion to the Lord, belonging to the Lord, living in joyful submission to the Lord who loved us and gave himself for us. When Paul says that marrying is no sin, and singleness provides undivided devotion to the Lord, he’s not saying that marriage means you don’t walk as closely with the Lord, or depend as deeply on the Lord, or enjoy the Lord with less sweetness of fellowship.
Belonging to Christ
He means the challenges in both states (marriage and singleness) are different, very different. There are unique distractions in marriage — that’s what he’s drawing attention to in particular — that we must guard against, lest our hearts be divided and the Lord takes second place.
But I think if we pushed on Paul, he would say there are other kinds of distractions for single people that require similar vigilance. So, the point is this: Christian freedom, whether in lifelong commitment to marriage or in a lifelong state of singleness, means belonging utterly to the risen Lord Jesus — trusting him completely with our lives, submitting all our decisions to his will, enjoying all his fellowship, expecting all his promises of help, and finding ourselves wonderfully useful in our marriage or in our singleness in serving other people.
So yes, Tony, I do encourage people to go deep into 1 Corinthians 7. I think there are profound things there about marriage and about singleness, because there are profound things there about the lordship of Christ, and what it means to be totally his and totally free." from the Audio Transcript
John Piper (@JohnPiper) is founder and teacher of Desiring God and chancellor of Bethlehem College and Seminary. For 33 years, he served as pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota. He is author of more than 50 books, including Desiring God: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist and most recently Foundations for Lifelong Learning: Education in Serious Joy.
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